Trick, Tramp, Skank or Slut?

Sorry to put it out there like that, but the topic of my discussion today is going to have to be about women who can’t seem to figure this out. I’ve run into lots of men in my day. I’ve dated a few, loved a couple and even married one. I’ve never been able to understand why it is so easy for a man to stray from the woman he says he loves. It occurred to me that the fault is not entirely that of the man. Though I like to believe that each of us is responsible for our own actions, I have to admit that if there are women out there who are more than willing to offer themselves up as some kind of prize to a man who is teetering on the edge of commitment then they are just as responsible for the behavior as the man who engages in it. And well, those women need to be slapped.

I believe in lifting women up and helping them to achieve their higher potential, but if the woman is so determined to get what she wants that she has no boundaries or respect for what another woman already has, then she doesn’t deserve to be lifted up. These women just don’t seem to care. They look for any and every excuse to justify their behavior.

“Well, if he could be that easily persuaded, then he didn’t love her anyway.” No, if he could be that easily persuaded it just means he’s a douchebag and that she will eventually need to get rid of him. It isn’t your job to be a catalyst. Get your own.

“But he loves me and he’s just staying with her because he doesn’t know how to let her down.” No, he doesn’t love you, skank. He’s just getting what he can get from you until you either move onto the next one or he finds another one of you to add to his lineup.

“She must not be doing her job as a ‘wife, girlfriend, significant other’ or he wouldn’t be looking for something else.” You know, sometimes men just look to be looking. She could be doing everything right even to the point that she’s given up on her own dreams to keep his fulfilled (and that’s usually the case). It is definitely not your place to determine what she may or may not be doing for him. He doesn’t belong to you. You don’t know the situation, you only know what he is telling you and I’ve got news for you, if he’s cheating, he’s also lying and he doesn’t give a damn whether or not he tells you or anyone else the truth.

“She’s let herself go, how can you expect him not to think I’m more attractive?” Beg pardon, trick. No. This is certainly not your call. If she has let herself go, it is probably because he has put her through hell and she’s given up on trying to make herself look good because he didn’t appreciate her when she did. Spend some more time with him and see how you look.

When I was single and out being stupid, I tried to be careful who I spent my time with. Sometimes a man is up front with his status and sometimes he tries to hide it. It used to burn me up to see the same married man out having dinner with his wife in the early evening and then see that same man hugged up with some tramp at the bar later that night. At the time, I didn’t know how to approach it. I thought, “It’s none of my business.” Well, in a way, it should have been my business. I should have said something to them. I knew both of them, not well, but probably well enough to point out that what they were doing was absolutely messed up. It didn’t really hit me until I got married that it would have been nice if I’d had the gumption to speak up. If more people publicly frowned on the behavior, then maybe it wouldn’t happen so often. Wishful thinking, but you never know.

There might have been something to that whole scarlet letter thing. If all the tramps, skanks, and low-down dirty cheaters had to wear a big red letter on their clothing, wouldn’t that be helpful to those of us who are trying to do things the right way? The bottom line is that if he isn’t yours, don’t look at him, don’t touch him, don’t think that he’s just passing the time with his wife until you pop onto the scene ready to satisfy his every desire. No, he’s not been waiting for you. If he was waiting for you, he’d have waited, ho. See, that’s how it works. If someone is waiting on you, they wait. They don’t just take an eleven-year detour and stop off to have a wife and kids while they await your arrival. Funny how that works.

So today’s lesson for all the tricks, tramps, skanks and sluts out there is that we must first look for a wedding ring. Second, we ask the question, “Are you married or living with a steady girlfriend or otherwise engaged?” Third, we make the decision whether or not we want to be part of the problem or part of the solution. Fourth, we think better of ourselves and of other women than to try and settle down with someone who has already been pretending to be settled down with someone else. This is easy. Give it a shot.

Until next time.

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Love Stinks, But Sadly I’m Used to the Smell…

Rona Shively has always been kind of a boob when it comes to relationships. She can’t decide whether she wants something serious or she’s content just having a fling here and there. It’s not that she’s a tramp, really. It’s more that she hasn’t taken the time to sit down and think about what it is that she wants in a partner. I had the fortunate experience of doing this back in 1999 when I took a class in college called Divorce and Remarriage.

It may seem a little strange that I would take this class since I had neither been married, divorced nor remarried at the time I took the class, but it really served as a wake-up call for me. Up to that point, no offense to the guys I’ve dated, I had really picked some losers. I’m not sure why I did it, but I seemed to gravitate towards men who had absolutely nothing to offer in the way of emotional stability, support and even romance. I recently pulled some of my old school papers from that class and found one of the assignments (along with years of therapy) that helped me get past my emotional stupidity. The assignment was to make a list of things that I was looking for in a man. The teachers, a married couple, called this a “Personal Vision of Love.” Here are some of the things that made my list:

He will believe in the importance of self-exploration.
He will value family.
He will be willing to share his hopes and fears with me.
He will understand how my past experiences have shaped the person I am today.
He will have similar recreational interests to my own.
He will have his own spirituality.
He will be down-to-earth.
He will respect himself and me.
He will enjoy working.
He will evolve.

Nice list. I seemed to have all figured out at one point. The good news is that it was only a few months after I wrote these things when I met my husband and we started dating. One year later, we were married. Now, ten years later, I’m absolutely sure I was onto something when I wrote the list, but that’s a discussion for another time. For now, let’s focus on how this sort of list might help Rona.

If Rona Shively were to make a list of the things she wants in a man. What do you think she would include? Send me your thoughts and I will publish her list here in a few days. I’m interested in seeing your ideas on this one!

Don’t forget to order your copy of This Side Up: The Rona Shively Stories at my website today! I’m running a special right now on Keeping the Faith and This Side Up. If you buy them together, you can get them both for $20! That includes shipping! Stop by my website today to order yours!

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My better half…

This one’s for all the ladies whose husbands or boyfriends just have to go out and chase the animals this time of year. Though I don’t understand it, I know it’s probably good for them and for us to have this little break.

I don’t often talk about my husband here on my blog but I felt it was time to acknowledge his presence. For the first time in years, my husband has gone away on a hunting trip. He left a couple of days ago and will be back this evening. This was alot harder for me than I thought it would be. Not only did I have to keep up with all of the household demands by myself, I really did miss him. We’ve been married almost eight years and he’s only gone away one other time. He’s been around for so long that I guess I often take him for granted. Being away from him for a few days has given me a true appreciation of what it means to be part of a couple.

It means having someone to tell you that you forgot to lock the doors at night. It means having someone to take out the trash. It means having one more pair of eyes to look after your child when you’re busy doing everything else. It means having someone to get that oil change that you’ve put off for months while you take care of the grocery shopping. It means having someone who will tell you if the Christmas tree looks ok after you put it together. It means having someone hang pictures for you so that your house isn’t decorated at eye level. It means having someone to bounce your ideas off of when you have a bad case of writer’s block. It means having someone around who can reach the stuff on the top shelf in the kitchen cupboard. It means having someone around to drink the other half of that pot of coffee in the morning. It means having someone around to answer the phone when you don’t feel like talking. It means having someone to blame your PMS on. It means having an extra pair of hands to carry in library books. It means having one more kiss at bedtime and one more hug when you leave the house. It means more than I usually think about.

I know others who have gone through divorce and I have felt awful for them because I can’t imagine how terrible that must be. Though I often grumble about him, he is the greatest guy I know and I can’t imagine how life would be without him. Anyone who could put up with me and my moods for eight long years has to be something special. I may not be happy to see the ten-point buck he’s bringing back, but I know that I’ll be glad to see my sweetheart when he finally gets back tonight.

Until next time…