happiness

Unlike animals whose quest for happiness is restricted to survival and to the immediate gratification of sensory desires, we human beings have the capacity to experience happiness at a deeper level which, when achieved, can overwhelm unhappy experiences.

– His Holiness the Dalai Lama

I ask the question only because I’ve never seen evidence that they do. Women seem to always be trying to reach a level of happiness that is somehow deeper than what men are content with reaching. It’s the whole, ‘give ’em a beer and a steak and they’ll be happy’ mentality. You’ll know by the grunting. It sounds terrible and somewhat prejudicial, but as a woman, I’ve noticed that the men I have known were never really interested in doing more than scratching the surface or simply scratching…when it came to happiness. They were okay with just being content. Perhaps this is why relationships are so difficult. Women are always trying to dig in deeper and men are always trying to hover near the surface.

Unless there is some Zen-like euphoria that comes over you when you are gutting a deer, I’m not sure that men care to get as happy as they can possibly be unless they are in bed. And I don’t think that qualifies as a Higher Purpose even though some men would swear that they are performing on the level of a god here. How many retreats or workshops have you seen that focus on men’s self-esteem? Is this because men have all of the self-esteem they need or is it because it simply isn’t a priority for them to live their lives to the fullest?

I realize that women and men are different in many ways and that men have a whole other way of looking at life than we women do. I just don’t understand how their value system works. Why is it so easy for a man to drop the kids off at school and simply walk away without a second thought? Why is it so easy for a man to cheat on his wife and then look her in the eye and swear that he didn’t? Why is it so easy for a man to be content with living below their potential and allowing someone else to be the go-getter? Are there men out there for whom this is not true? Is it a regional phenomenon or possibly just specific to my little piece of the universe?

I’m truly curious. Other than a Buddhist monk, what man do you know that is truly seeking their highest potential? I’m not talking about the creative types who are chasing after celebrity. That’s generally all about ego and hoping to gain groupies or some other bullshit like that. I’m talking honest-to-goodness, on-a-spiritual-quest, looking for fulfillment in this life, depth. If you know of men like this, please share it with us. And for God’s sake, don’t forget to include a photo and phone number. 😉

Until next time…

Some days I fight with myself. Not in a psycho, Fight Club sort of way, but more like I just won’t allow myself to enjoy my life. On those days I somehow dig deep and find more and more ways to justify being unhappy. It makes no sense to me. I have everything I need. I’m not overly concerned with money or wanting things I don’t have. It’s more of a philosophical struggle with my own well-being. Do I not deserve to be happy? If I do, why can’t I convince myself that it’s really okay to have a good day?

Over the course of my life, I have been known to have a penchant for self-defeating behavior. I am compelled to take the most difficult route to my destination. I like to think of it in terms of my not being afraid of a challenge, but truthfully, I think it’s born more out of some sick, twisted fear of success. When I get really close to having a major breakthrough, I back off and simply stop doing whatever it is I’m doing right. I don’t necessarily start doing anything wrong, though in some cases I have, but I just don’t do anything that will advance me further.

For instance, I’m going through the beginning stages of a divorce right now. Having separated from my husband at the beginning of May, it’s been a little difficult to figure out what it is I’m supposed to be doing with myself. We were together for eleven years and it’s been quite difficult to retrain myself. I know that I don’t want to regress and live the life I was living before marriage. Before I got married, I wasn’t having any fun (though many would beg to differ) and I certainly didn’t feel empowered. During marriage, I felt less empowered but I could always blame it on him or at least on being part of a couple. I had lots of ideas about all of the things I would do if I would ever find myself single again and had no one to answer to but myself. But, now that I have the freedom to do those things, I really don’t want to. Hence, the fighting with myself. Even when there are no barriers, I tend to create them so it’s hard to know what is holding me back.

Thankfully, I have alot of time to think about things now and when I’m ready, I’m sure I’ll figure out what it is that I need to do with my time. I write, I pray, I spend time with my daughter. I worry, I pray, I make funny comments on Facebook, and every once in a while, I eat. Seems too long a title for a bestseller; Write, Pray, Parent, Worry, Pray, Be Sarcastic, Eat. But then, you never know what people will like. Especially if they’re like me. 😉

Until next time…